This Blog Is In Therapy

Stop Press.

We regret to announce that reports of Alex Wade's return to sanity were exaggerated. Late last night he was caught wandering the lanes of St Levan, ranting about the good old days when top shelf magazines were innocent. Restraining devices were deployed but Wade, showing the ingenuity for which he is renowned, used a magnifying glass to melt them and escaped into the wilderness. Somewhere near Carn Euny, he stood on an ancient piece of granite formerly used for the ritual beheading of chickens and ranted about the poor spelling in a history essay by one of his sons.

"It's an outrage!" he thundered into the disconsolate night. "Doesn't anyone know how to spell antediluvian any more? What is wrong with the kids of today?"

Helicopters swooped but Wade, showing the ingenuity for which he is currently locked up, hurled a rock at them and escaped into the forest. He found a leyline and followed it to the studio at the top of his garden. Pausing only to admire the handiwork of Jonty Henshall, he scurried indoors and proceeded to post on this blog a rant about modern day pornography which had absolutely no connection at all with surfing. This follows a spate of ill-advised posts in which Wade has ranted about everything from Facebook to formica.

Here in his padded cell, Wade appears to be responding to therapy. We removed his latest misconceived rant and he thanked us for it. He asked if he could have special privileges, such as humous, tzatziki and a bobble hat, but we refused. Instead, we are insisting that he undergoes a period of intense pyschotherapy, for there is clearly something very wrong with him. We cannot say whether his woes stem from residual former lawyer's guilt, a severe case of writer's block or the extraordinary rage he feels at seeming to have recently slid back so many notches in surfing ability that the seals at his local break have taken to congregating to watch him flounder in the grip of ever-lasting futility, shaking their whiskers in hysterical merriment as Wade persists in trying to surf waves in the opposite direction to that in which they are travelling, i.e. out to sea. "It's the future of surfing," he avers, adding "everything else has been done. I've got to try something radical, I've got to change our perception of what surfing is and can be."

Wade is currently watching Greg Martin in a Crystal Disco. At least, that's who he thinks he's watching.

Pictured by David Short: Someone who says he is Alex Wade. If you see him, take evasive action. He is liable to rant.

Comments

[f6]

this is more like it young Wade, let it out, then let it in again

[allie]

Nurse Nurse hes out of bed again. keep taking the pills alex, stop thinkin, Start surfin ( your LONGBOARD ) see you in the sea soon i,ll be the one paddling away at high speed to avoid catchin the fear that appears to have overtaken you.( bad withnail ref there am i indeed now showing my age0

[Graham]

This is the work of pure pure twisted genius. I am spell bound by his Machiavelian thinking...(unlike my spelling I fear)

This is a man who has a plan.

Summer's coming, the line up will fill with driftwood, tempers will not fray, they will shred; Fathers with no sense of irony will shout "Bastard" at their nimble, fleet footed, fast paddling offspring, sliding into their path....

Yet who, pray tell me, who is going to drop in on Alex now ????

See, strategic genius....

Oh Alex, if you think your sons spelling is bad...Take heart I am marking final year UG dissertations...fear not site spooling is not just a young persons game.

PS Skewjack.co.uk went through 12,000 hits this week, probably more now than ever stayed there... Thank you all.

[f6]

Mr Graham, I remeber that bike hearse ! it was here in Newquay when I was a kid ! ha ha , excuse me while i dissapear back down memory lane ..............................................................
oh yes, wasnt it lined with purple stuff ?