From X-ray to Epiphany

This is a strange post. And no, not merely because the sight of one's X-rayed neck is unnerving (excuse the somewhat separated pun). Instead, I find myself struggling to articulate how I feel. Given that I have a professional relationship with words, such inarticulacy is not a positive thing. But anyway, here's what's going down:

I feel very happy that the latest MRI scan reveals that I have had successful ACDF. This afternoon I had a chat with Mr P, the much respected Derriford neurosurgeon who operated on me, and all is well. That's not to say I can start lifting weights, going for runs and waxing my boards this weekend, but it is to suggest that I'm on course for being back to normal within six to eight months, maybe a year at the outset. Sure, I'll continue to feel "peculiar" (Mr P's adjective of choice) for some time, but I needn't worry. The titanium cage is where it should be and my spinal cord is fine again.

Against this, as I mentioned yesterday, Lyme disease has been looming. One thing that Mr P also confirmed is that now, seven weeks post-ACDF, my feeling of extraordinary fatigue and deep muscular pain can't be pinned on the surgery. To add to this, I have just watched Under Our Skin, the American documentary which earlier today just missed an Oscar 'final five' short-listing in its category. It makes for unbelievably disturbing viewing, chronicling the plight of people with chronic Lyme disease and alleging that vested interests among the medical profession and insurance industry serve, across the pond at least, to prevent the establishment taking Lyme disease in its late or chronic forms seriously. 

As I sat watching the film, it struck me that the people with Lyme disease - those talking about their rash, blinding headaches, joint pain, hideous weariness and central nervous system disorientation - were talking about exactly the same symptoms as I have. It then dawned upon me, in an admittedly belated epiphany, that I too have Lyme disease. In fact, given that I acquired the rash seven months ago (and still have it, as it happens) and have since tested positive for Lyme on three occasions, it seemed to me that I might even be reasonably described as having Lyme in its late stages.

Who knows? Maybe the latest blood test will come back negative. But Under Our Skin suggests that even if it does, it might be wise to submit to a month's worth of intravenous antibiotics. Oh, the fun of a nurse visiting every day! Yes, it could be mine.

So, as I sit here writing, I'm not sure what to think and feel. I'd like to be feeling quietly confident that although I have a few more months of cervical settling down ahead of me, all will eventually be well. In other words, that I'll be back to normal. Instead, Lyme is lurking. And, if I'm completely honest, I don't know whether to continue to ignore it - to treat the pesky bacteria inside me with the contempt they deserve - or whether to accept that a change of strategy is required. 

The trouble is that I can't help but feel that the moment I allow Lyme disease into my life, as a condition I acknowledge, those damn bacteria will be a step ahead.

That's what I feel. It's not rational, I know. I suspect, having slept on it, that my logical brain will kick in and decree that being injected every day for a month is a good thing. After all, it seems that I have Lyme disease.

(I wouldn't mind being rid of it, and hope that anyone out there thinking "You idiot! Of course you have Lyme disease!" will let me off - honestly, ACDF was enough to deal with alone, without having to get my head round Lyme. But I guess the time for engagement has come.)

NB: As a former media lawyer and yet web friendly chap I have a flexible, perhaps even philosophical attitude to copyright. However, given that the above image is of the inside of my neck please do not reuse, republish, reprint etc etc anywhere without contacting me first. My website, www.alexwade.com, has a contact page. Many thanks.)

Comments

[Jan]

Hi Alex, we have corresponded previously, you may remember. I understand you've been talking to Joanne who I view as a friend, though we've never met! I'm pleased she picked up where I left off because, to be honest, I didn't have the energy to follow it through with you too much.

You might also like to buy the 'One Tick Away' DVD from the bada-uk site
http://www.bada-uk.org/products/index.php

Bada are a charity who do masses to promote tick awareness, I try to help them when I can. The young girl on the dvd (Danielle) has now improved considerably and there are other UK-based stories on there too.

I do still read your blog regularly, even if I don't always comment!

Take care

[Lucy]

Pretty darn good looking x-ray to me, even tho I have no qualifications to comment! I think nearly all of us out here understand the duck & dive relationship with Lyme, I've spent 10years using my 'heart condition' as a convenient excuse, now push has come to shove its all a bit shocking. Get on with the treatment, your psyche can play catch up anytime, the nurses may even be good looking with a bit of gallows humour to keep you on your toes!! (Sorry Karen) Lx

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