My call for amazing surfing stories yields a curio.
It seems moves are afoot to create a novel series of town twinnings. Councillors up and down the land have decided that junkets to the backwaters of France, to secure such useful twinships as Adur (West Sussex) with Riom (Auvergne), Exmouth (praise be) with Dinan (Brittany), and Trowbridge (everyone's favourite Wiltshire town) with the ever-popular Charenton-le-Pont need a shot in the arm, surf-style.
Newquay, then, is considering severing its ties with Dinard in favour of a twinning with Byron Bay. Other proposed twinships apparently include:
Scarborough - Hossegor
Thurso - Santa Cruz
Tynemouth - Mundaka
Bournemouth - Haleiwa
Asked to confirm the above, my source said it might not be true, but then again it could be, for, as he put it: "Stranger things have happened. For example, a very famous writer wrote a story about a man who woke up to find that he had mutated into a giant beetle. In another of his books, a man is arrested but never told of his alleged crime. He spends page after page seeking access to The Law, as if this would help, only to be killed 'like a dog! ... as if he meant the shame of it to outlive him' by two men in a piece of wasteland outside Prague. As if that's not weird enough, what of that nice Mr Clegg and his futile attempts to impersonate A Man Of Authority? What of Stonehenge and the late Mr Charles Brackstone who, driving past the ridiculous lumps of granite late one stormy night in the 1970s, wound down his window and gestured at the absurd testaments to man's futility and flicked a 'V' sign and said 'F*** off, druids!', only a second later to break down and thence to spend a lonesome and terror-stricken night of thunder, lightning, flowing white cloaks and large staffs, yes, all this by the side of the A303, a road opened in 1933, itself the year in which construction of San Francisco's Golden Gate bridge began, trade unions were banned by Adolf Hitler and the first sighting of the Loch Ness Monster was noted in record books that to this date fail to note the usefulness of the Golden Gate bridge to surfers who may wish to travel down to Santa Cruz, a town likely to be twinned with Thurso - have you heard?"
I said I hadn't, and repeated my plea for sensible amazing surfing stories.