Surf Nation

Russell Brand: Salvation Will Come Through Surfing

It's not all gloom for Russell Brand. Now that he's resigned from his BBC Radio 2 gig, he'll have a lot more time on his hands. Being the wild-haired Lothario that he is, he will probably be tempted to spend his extra free moments having even more sex. However, this would be a mistake. Sex will provide a short-term feeling of satisfaction but little by way of permanent stoke. Instead, the man whose surfing cameo in Forgetting Sarah Marshall is memorable precisely for the absence of anything resembling surfing should leave his woes in the metropolis and head for a place where he can hone his wave-riding skills to the max. He might even find that the media leaves him alone in the line-up. Here, then are the Five Waves For Russell Brand.

1. Backdoor Pipeline.

OK, this might be a bit gnarly for a beginner. But there's something in the name that might just appeal to Brand. It's also a break on the Hawaiian island of Oahu, thereby taking the errant comic close to the supposed setting of Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Russell Brand SurfWatch Prediction: He will paddle out, get nailed, and feel purged. Image courtesy of www.allbestwallpapers.com.

2. Thurso East.

The advantage of taking refuge in the rugged Caithness town is that it's the last place anyone would look for a celebrity. It also has some rock 'n' roll waves, as Nicole Morgan, captured by Lucia Griggi at the recent Roxy Women's Open, demonstrates.

Russell Brand SurfWatch Prediction: He will take one look and decide it's too cold.

3. Hash Point.

A decent bet, this, for the sandy Moroccan point break can be OK for those at the outset of their embrace of the Sport of Kings. But will Brand cope with the extra-curricular tempatations at every turn?

Russell Brand SurfWatch Prediction: A reformed man, Brand spurns the surf and swiftly leaves town.

4. Privates.

This one was recommended by Jonathan Ross, 46.

Russell Brand SurfWatch Prediction: He rocks up in downtown Santa Cruz, gets distracted by ads proclaiming surfing's virtues and embarks upon a month-long quest to find the woman in the above image. Needless to say, he doesn't even make it out for a session at Cowell's, let alone one at the reef break just along from The Hook and Shark's Cove, one whose name so amused Jonathan Ross.

5. Phantoms.

By now, wild-haired would-be surfer Brand is thoroughly dejected. He checks into a non-descript motel in Capitola and wonders if the sport which spawned sex wax, six-foot thrusters and the notion of backdooring the peak can really save him. He watches a DVD about surfing AND sex, and it just makes things worse.

Suddenly, though, a mysterious figure appears in his hotel room. She is called Georgina, and once posed for Reef in one of its notorious ads.

"I can show you the true path," she says.

"Can we have sex first?" says Brand.

"No," says Georgina. "What's more, it's about time you stopped regarding women as mere objects. It's a radical idea, but women are people, too."

The wild-haired Brand ponders this. Then, almost as if he has caught his first wave, he sits bolt upright with an ecstatic look on his face and declaims:

"You're right. I see the error of my ways. What must I do to become a surfer and achieve enlightenment?"

Georgina gazes at the wild-haired Lothario intensely. For a moment, she is tempted to have sex with both him and Jonathan Ross, 46 (though not at the same time), but then she frees herself from the pair's spell and remembers her mission - to bring Russell Brand to surfing Nirvana.

"You must board a plane and fly to Hawaii," she says.

"I knew it!" says wild-haired Brand. "Even though I got nailed at Backdoor Pipeline I must return to the place where I first sat astride a board, in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, a very good film, have you seen it?"

 

Georgina scratches her head. "I can't remember," she says, "but that's not important right now. Perhaps one day it will be, but for now your mission is once again to travel to Oahu and go surfing."

"I will do as you say," says Brand. "Which break is it my mission to shred?"

"You must steel yourself, for this is no easy task."

"Go on," says the hirsute Brand.

"You must surf Phantoms."

"What! But that's insane! Isn't Phantoms a bit difficult for a beginner?"

Georgina fixes the wild-haired Brand with a come hither look.

"Yes," she says, "but this picture isn't of Phantoms. It's just an appetizer. Besides, if you succeed, we will have sex."

"Count me in," says Brand.

Russell Brand SurfWatch Prediction: He sublimates every ounce of his immense sex drive into surfing Phantoms. He succeeds. Yet more bizarrely, however, the experience transforms him forever. He cuts all his hair off and becomes a mere phantom of his former self. Not even Georgina's promise of sex can make him grow his hair again or lure him away from the line-up. There, in the sea, he is free of the media. He is free of sex. He is free of his ego. He is free of his demons. He is a surfer. And he realises that if only he'd been surfing all his life, he'd have been a hell of a lot happier and far less inclined to cause other people misery.

"Aloha," says the newly shaven-headed sage. And he means it.

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Not California But Home

Here I am back in the blown-out UK. I feel decidedly worse for wear thanks to the combined effects of jet-lag and a fair bit of vino callapso with Mrs W last night. Surfing by way of clearing the head is an option, but not one I relish given the conditions. Point break perfection, it ain't.

But it's good to be back, and the chart says that there'll be some decent surf later in the week. I've got back to a slew of surf info, all of which I'd like to mention though I might run out of energy. Here goes:

1. Finisterre have added some new colours to their line of merino Coho sweaters. These were first launched last year, and this time round the lads from Aggie have also added a full zip and brushed fleece to the inside of the Arcus hoody. Nice work, as ever. The new merino sweaters will be available at £30 from the end of November; check the site for more info.

2. Congrats to Russell Winter, who I see won both the Open and Seniors events at the British National Surf Championships last weekend in good surf. The photo of Russ is by Ben Jones. Good to see that Jed Stone added yet another title to his huge collection with victory in the Veterans' contest.

3. Congrats also to French surfer Caroline Peret, who won the Roxy North East Women's Open, held at Tynemouth, also last weekend. Here she is, snapped by Lucia Griggi.

4. The first-ever British Stand-Up Paddle Association winners have just been crowned. Over 30 competitors entered the four events which were held in Cornwall, the Isle of Wight, Wales and England's south coast. The winners are: Neal Gent (Mens'), Claire Blacklock (Womens' and Womens' Distance), Bobby Cooper (Juniors and Juniors' Distance) and John Hibbard (Mens' Distance). Well done to all of those who have taken to this sport, something I've not tried yet but which was also evident in the line-ups of Santa Cruz. Will it last and continue to grow in popularity or, perhaps like windsurfing, is it a fad that will ultimately remain the preserve of a few fanatics? We shall see. Meanwhile, the winners appear courtesy of Jon Parker Photography.

5. The British Surfing Museum has launched a winter fund-raising appeal. Before you all shout 'Credit Crunch!' and hide your wallets, this is for a worthy cause, with the Museum aiming to raise £500 to give to Surfers Against Sewage in return for a surfboard designed by Conrad Shawcross, one which was created as part of SAS's recent 'Drawing Boards' campaign. The SAS auction raised a very respectable £29,350 and in displaying the Shawcross eco-board next year, the Museum will be sending a twin message in highlighting the need for more sustainable ways of living and promoting the work of SAS. But that won't happen until there's £500 in the kitty, so check out the British Surfing Museum website for details on how to donate. Any extra cash raised will go to Cancer Research.

6. The richest event on the UK Pro Surf Tour kicks off this weekend at Whiterock or East Strand Beach, Portrush, Northern Ireland this coming weekend. The Quiksilver Portrush Open might also decide the winner of this year's British Pro Surf Tour. The Roxy Portrush Women's Open also takes place at the same venue at the same time (well, not quite; you know what I mean). Here's another snap by Lucia Griggi to give a flavour of the kind of surf they get up there in NI.

7. The O'Neill Cold Water Classic was won by an O'Neill rider, one Nat Young (no relation). Here he is on the podium; more on this event and California soon.

8. Last but by no means least, a couple of Sundays ago over 100 very strangely dressed surfers descended on East Wittering for the A1Surf Retro Board Challenge. Batman, sometimes known as Jonathan Tuck, walked away with first prize, a Paul Walters-shaped fish, with over £500 raised going towards Selsey RNLI Lifeboat Station. Here's a shot of a couple of the competitors, men whose like I didn't see while in California, not even in downtown Santa Cruz. And that's saying something.

Finally, thanks to all for your recent comments. I should have mentioned a few other things in this post but I have, indeed, run out of energy. However, the comments are what make a blog worth doing so keep 'em coming.

I'll be back when the jet-lag's gone, by which time California really will be a distant memory, something almost as forgetful as the dire Russell Brand flick that I watched on the plane, Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It's got some surf scenes in it but I've forgotten them already. The film is almost as bad as Brand's 'joke' about Andrew Sachs' granddaughter. But that's another story.

California (5)

All good things come to an end and sadly our sojourn in Santa Cruz is no exception. There's no time for a surf today but we're hoping the fog hasn't led to another delay in the O'Neill Cold Water Classic. Rumours abound to the effect that Mavericks might be working, so we'll check out Half Moon Bay en route to San Francisco. There we might well run into the Dirtbag Challenge before arrival at the airport at about 4.00pm.

Then it's back to England, dear England, the land of the endless inconsistent beachbreak, the world's worst motorway service stations and an endemic intolerance towards skateboarders. But it's home, and I'm looking forward to paddling out again back at Sennen Cove. Until then, adios.

California (4): Head High at The Hook = Yet More Pleasure

A swift post, this, for your humble scribe is knackered. Harry, myself, Steve from Holland and Greg and Julie from France caught The Hook working extremely nicely this morning. It was head high plus opposite the steps and still pretty sizeable down the line. This is a fast wave and the paddle out took its toll. So, too, for the first time on this trip, a bit of localism. I got burned very badly on two waves, so much so that even a peacable chap such as myself felt moved to remonstrate. The offender, who'd mercilessly dropped in on me, pleaded ignorance ("I'm sorry - I didn't see you there") but rather than let the same thing happen a third time I paddled away and left him to ruin someone else's session. No doubt, in the car park afterwards, he felt the warm glow of satisfaction that comes from having stamped his authority in the ocean, where it will live on, forever.

Despite this character, a man I will respect forever, for he is a God unto me, this morning's surf was excellent. Sadly, however, it left little time for checking out the action at the O'Neill Cold Water Classic, for a fiendish fog rolled in and obscured everything so much that the contest organisers had no option but to put the event on hold.

Never mind. The people here have been wonderful and if I don't have time for a post until I return to the UK, I'd recommend a trip to Santa Cruz to any surfer. The heritage of the place is extraordinary, the waves are world class, and even the grandmas skate (though not, as one of them told me, in the skate parks: "Too gnarly - I've got to look after my bones," she said, before cruising on down the street on a Sector 9).

That's it for now. The first picture is from The Lane yesterday and gives an idea of what a top wave this is; the second was taken this afternoon and shows what a job the judges had to tell what on earth was going on (it got a lot worse within minutes).


 

California (3): Pure Pleasure

The locals are showing some serious form here at the O'Neill Cold Water Classic, with Santa Cruz surfers Josh Loya, Nat Young and Jason Collins yesterday all surfing brilliantly to draw hoots from the partisan crowd atop the cliff overlooking the Lane. The swell is set to increase over the weekend, which should make for a cracking Sunday finale. I'm told that Mavericks might also work, which will make for a nice detour en route to the airport.

It's been an action-packed few days. Yesterday Harry and I surfed Pleasure Point in the morning, checked out the contest in the afternoon, and then took some longboards out for a fun session at Cowell's, the beginners' spot around the corner from Steamer Lane. Pleasure Point was fantastic - a fast, reeling right-hander not cursed with quite as much fin-snagging kelp as The Hook. Cowell's is a slow wave somewhat reminiscent of what, to a certain crew in Cornwall, is known as Danger Bay. After surfing Cowell's we bumped into legendary water cinematographer Larry Haynes, who snapped this apres-surf shot of Harry on his whizzy new iPhone before heading off in a sweet-looking Mustang. Larry is never anything less than notable.

Larry was around later for an O'Neill presentation about next year's Cold Water Classic series. It was good to catch up with him and watch Harry's face as Larry regaled us with tales of tow-surfing Jaws and suffering the inevitable mind-bending hold-downs. Next year's Cold Water Classic series, taking in Tasmania, Scotland, South Africa and Vancouver Island before returning here to Santa Cruz, looks to be a winner, not least for a surfer who wins all five events - he'll pocket a very cool $1,000,000.

It's Saturday morning as I write, so we're off to surf either Pleasure Point or The Hook before checking out the contest for the remainder of the day. Tomorrow I hope to catch up with surfing scribe Matt Warshaw in San Francisco, and we might squeeze in an Ocean Beach session while there. Meanwhile, over and out from Santa Cruz.

California (2)

Another cracking day in surf heaven. Here we are at the O'Neill Cold Water Classic, which is reason enough to be stoked, but we're also getting some good surfs in. Following yesterday's post Harry and I joined a Dutch journalist called Steve and headed up to Waddell Creek. There we found the beach break working well and, remarkably, only being surfed by about 10 guys. Harry sat this one out but Steve and I paddled out and had a few waves.

Back here in Santa Cruz it was an early night for Harry and me, leaving us nice and refreshed for The Hook this morning. It was small, and I was glad I'd acquired a 9"6', but it picked up and by the end of a three-hour session we'd both had some really good waves. This is fast, slick wave which can close out, but our experience so far suggests it doesn't do this often. It makes for a great place to surf, not least because despite the inevitable minority of amped aggressors, most of the surfers in the line-up are cool and friendly. (Ali, if you do check out this site, it was good talking to you - don't forget to bring your wetsuit when you next visit the UK: we really do have surf!)

As much as the action at the Lane and this morning's surf, today also allowed for a pilgrimage to Half Moon Bay. No waves but Mavericks is expected to awaken on Sunday. What a treat it'll be if it does. Meanwhile, it's Pleasure Point tomorrow then more of the Cold Water Classic which, with the swell building, will definitely live up to its name.

Here are a few more random observations of US culture:

1. Americans really do say "awesome", "totally" and "killer, dude" a lot. An awful lot.

2. In Borders in Santa Cruz, the gent who served me had not only heard of Cornwall but had visited it. He raved about Tintagel and Roskilly's ice-cream: "It was killer, dude - I ate so much of it I put on 40 pounds."

3. (A surf-specific one.) The surf here is killer. We also checked Davenport today, which was looking lovely. But if you're a goofy-footer, look to be practising your backside attack - aside from a few peaks at Waddell Creek and Davenport, we haven't seen any lefts (which we're not complaining about, being natural footers).

4. American drivers are unbelievably courteous.

5. Americans love Hallow'een. Like, really love it - there are pumpkin farms all along the coast road from Santa Cruz to Half Moon Bay.

Image of The Hook courtesy of Sparrow's Nest. The pumpkins come from KAGoldberg on Flickr.

California (1)

Here we are in Santa Cruz. The weather couldn't be better and after surfing The Hook, a right-hander along from Pleasure Point, this morning Harry and I are feeling fairly sunned out. The waves weren't big and this was as crowded a line-up as I've ever seen, but Harry surfed well on a 6"4' fish courtesy of Freeline (a surf shop near The Hook) while I managed to avoid the crowds just long enough for a couple of decent waves on a 7ft Surftech whose exact identity now eludes me owing to the effects of the sun, my ailing 42-year-old's memory and the fact that it looked fine so I just grabbed it, handed over my $20 for the day and vamoosed to the ocean. Up the road at Steamer Lane some nice head high sets were coming through for the O'Neill Cold Water Classic, but for the other breaks around here I'd say that if the swell remains small a longboard is what the Doctor would order. 

Why haven't we brought our own boards? You may well ask. Well, we thought that it might make sense to buy some here, taking advantage of cheaper US prices, and then bring them back. So far, though, equipment seems to cost about the same as it does in the UK, so it looks like hire boards for us. 

First impressions? The vibe is mellow and friendly and a crew of old-timer longboarders reminded me somewhat of home. Steamer Lane is clearly a great wave. Subject to jet lag, late nights and the effects of the sun, we might surf there tomorrow morning, pre-contest. The standard of the local surfers at The Hook was very high and of the surfers we've seen so far at the Cold Water Classic, Granger Larson was slick, smooth and fast on the Steamer Lane rights. 

All, then, is well, but after my post of a few days ago lamenting the lack of effective wifi networks in many places in the UK, the irony is that here, in our modern American hotel, the internet in our rooms isn't working. So here I am, in the lobby on the hotel PC, unable to load any pictures, but hopefully this glitch will be remedied soon.

Random observations of US culture: 

1. Old-style American cars have been vanquished by the ubiquitous outsize 4-wheel drive monster from Japan. 

2. Down the road, there is a self-service pet grooming shop. If only my loyal hounds, Rio and Maya, were with us - we could take 'em for a groom.

3. (This one is more surf specific.) There is a hell of a lot of kelp here. 

4. Sea otters, turning, rolling and sunbathing in the line-up as they eat fish, make for some serious stoke.

5. "If God took u to it, God will take u thru it." So says a notice board on a Santa Cruz church.

Aloha.

Surfing and Web 2.0: how they are connected

What is meant by Web 2.0? Well, it's a term which refers to the idea, in today's world, that collaboration, sharing of knowledge and interactivity is A Good Thing. Social networking (Facebook etc), wikis (er, Wikipedia) and blogs (like this one here) are all good examples of the Web 2.0 world, one whose advocates believe that these things enhance creativity and productivity, resulting in a win-win situation for everyone similarly inclined.

Before I'd ever heard of Web 2.0, I embraced its principles, taking an inclusive stance to anything and everything I'd write about, whether it be boxing, poker, law, travel or, indeed, surfing. Really, committing to the idea of Web 2.0 is just an application of what everyone on Fleet Street learns on Day One - that what goes around, comes around, and that contacts are king.

However, some people in British surfing don't agree with this attitude. They seem to be suspicious of those they don't know and precious about what they see as their territory. They're about as likely to go down the Web 2.0 route as they are to say 'Welcome to my world.' Which is a shame, because waves like this - middle peak at Steamer Lane, Santa Cruz, where Harry and I will be tomorrow - are a lot more threatening than mere writers.

Image courtesy of Richbrenner on Flickr (yes, a Web 2.0 application).

Cold Water Classic(s)

This blog is heading overseas. To California, in fact, where I'll be checking out the O'Neill Cold Water Classic, an iconic event on the WQS which was won by a Brit in 1989 (OK, it was Martin Potter, and he's a sort-of Brit, but never mind). I'm heading over for right-hand point break perfection on Tuesday, with Harry, and broadband access being what it should be over in the States, we'll post daily on the scene in California and the action at the event.

We're flying with Virgin Atlantic, an airline which may, or may not, allow surfers to take boards. I haven't checked, but will do once there because our fiendish plan is to take advantage of low prices (relatively speaking) for boards in the US and bring some back. Here's hoping that Virgin will allow us to do this, in contrast to the wonderful British Airways, the airline that likes to say 'You're a surfer? Get lost'. Indeed, while on the subject of airlines and the costs of transporting surfboards (assuming they'll let you do this), check out this petition.

Meanwhile, noteworthy news includes the signing, by O'Neill, of Mark Matthews, who's pictured here on the kind of wave that Harry and I won't be surfing in California this week. Note also that O'Neill will be running, from next year, a series of 'Cold Water Classic' events in Tasmania, Scotland, South Africa, Canada and the US, places where the surf is as cold as it is perfect and where the surfing community is as hardcore as it gets. Personally, I think there's a book to be written about surfing in such extreme locales. But then I would say that, wouldn't I?