At last, I have bowed to the inevitable. Yes, I bought a souvenir edition of the News of the World. It had been calling me all day, and I finally crumbled.
"Thank you, and goodbye," was what the newsagent said to me, when I left his shop. "What do you mean by that?" was my reply, for I am nothing if not inquisitive.
"I mean to say, is it true that you once worked at the News of the World?" said the newsagent, beaming menacingly.
"I know nothing, even if I did, but I don't know whether I did," said I.
"Thank you, and goodbye," were the newsagent's last words.
I then logged on to Twitter, in a new media kind of a way, and suggested that if you find these things interesting, you might care to buy the latest issue of The Surfer's Path, for in it appear a series of words, in reasonably coherent order, by my good self on whether surfing has spawned a discernible literary tradition.
"Thank you, and goodbye," tweeted the newsagent, for like me he has just signed up to Twitter. I no longer recall what his Twitter address is, and I am such an ingenu that I don't actually know what I'm supposed to call mine, but it might be Alex Wade @SurfNation1. Or maybe it's just @SurfNation1. I don't know, but no doubt all, rather like the mire that is the News of the World phone hacking scandal, will soon become clear.
Clear also is that I have just returned from the strangest surf trip of my life. Regular readers will recall that I was recently in Cantabria, Spain, where I was impressed by the quality of the local set-ups, the curves of the brand new skate park and the taste (and price) of the Rioja wine in the big and shiny and glistening supermercado. I was there with Aerial Attack, my son Harry and his mate Liam, all of whom got a few waves, albeit of the small and summery variety rather than the gnarly and memorable kind. But I didn't even go near a board, having broken two ribs just days before the trip. I did manage a very gentle swim, but that was it.
The ferry ride home, from Santander to Plymouth, was a challenge given the rough weather, and back home I have found that having a mild cold is also of no assistance when one has broken ribs. "One sneezes, and one is in pain," as a famous tweet has it, but this is as nothing compared with the searing and burning that afflicts my right thigh every night. It's fine during the day and then the moment I lie down to go to sleep all hell breaks loose. I saw my GP and he reckons I have some kind of internal bleeding, but I am not so sure.
"Isn't it more likely that your woeful spine is compressed again, and that what you are experiencing is some kind of neurological mayhem?", asked a hitherto unknown Tweeter, and this is what I said in response:
"Goodbye, and thank you. If I ever get better again, life will be grand. Meanwhile I am interested in suggestions for a new strapline to this blog. For example, 'A Surfer's Battle to Beat his own Uncanny Ability to Self-Harm', or some such. Please help."
But the clever man at Twitter said that was over the 140-character limit, and that I had to be more clever. Or cleverer.
"Thank you, and goodbye," said the newsagent.
Yours, El Ribo@Twitter.com.
Hmm Searing and burning afflicting your thigh, I remember it well but then it wasn't just one thigh in my case it was in many areas.
Possibly peripheral neuropathy, possibly your neck problems possibly the same as me, you will never know probably what is the cause but you may yet like I did find treatment that makes it better- not just palliative I mean really well again.
Yes I know your response Alex- Thank you and Goodbye.
You say why or how could the Medical Authorities get this wrong it is just a lot of cranky patients misguided by what they read on the internet, well denial abounded with this hacking business in the beginning as so with MP's expenses claims- oh no it can't be serious we will ignore those reports it will go away.
Well Lyme patients don't go away even when they get well because they are very well aware of the shenanigans, to put it kindly that leave so many sick people sick and denied treatments that can and do get them well.
I look at your blog occasionally in the hope that you are at last recovering, but I feel nearly as disappointed as you must that you still are not fully well, broken ribs aside.
Posted by: J Drayson | July 11, 2011 at 12:38 PM
god your a walking disaster Wade, take up chess( on second thoughts you may drop a piece and do your back in bending t pick it up) try origami....ah no paper cuts, macrame....rope burns. OK theres no hope for you, try cage fighting and be done with it. Hope the ribs get better soon x
Posted by: allie | July 11, 2011 at 11:11 PM